


The Birthday Bash of Dick Grayson

by PurpleArrowzandLeather



Series: One Big Batty Family [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Justice League: War, Son of Batman (2014), Under the Red Hood
Genre: Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent, Drunkenness, The Waynes Party Hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-07-12 17:13:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15999710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurpleArrowzandLeather/pseuds/PurpleArrowzandLeather
Summary: It's Dick Grayson's birthday and the Batfam live free and party hard. Only the sober will survive.





	The Birthday Bash of Dick Grayson

**Author's Note:**

> Not quite sure what happened.

          Bruce thinks the party is going shockingly well. Jason passed out hours ago and Bruce put him down on the couch. He keeps rolling off, and Roy is so drunk that he just keeps putting Jason back on it. Bruce isn't quite sure who got out the stripper pole, but it happened. So far no one has used it, but he's certain someone will before the night is over. 

          Tim is hanging from the chandelier, cheeks a rosy pink as he giggles. Terry is trying to reach him from the balcony without jumping and Bruce rubs his temples as he falls over the edge. At least he's wearing the suit. 

          Cass and Damian are standing next to Bruce in the safety of the kitchen watching with awed expressions at the chaos. Katie does a flip off of the couch and uses the stripper pole to spring into the dining room. 

          Dick is nowhere to be seen and Bruce gets a bed feeling as Duke starts clapping from under the card table. Music plays from somewhere, piano keys leading the intro as Dick swishes up to the pole. He's thankfully fully clothed in his Nightwing suit, holding a microphone. 

          " _At first I was afraid, I was petrified!"_ Dick sings, swinging around the pole leisurely. " _Kept thinkin' I could never live without you by my side! But then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong, and I grew strong! I learned how to get along!"_

          Bruce leans against the doorframe, shaking his head. Jason wakes up for just long enough to boo him and throw his helmet at Dick's head. Dick ducks and continues to sing. He bows when the song is over and cartwheels away to who knows where. Terry picks up the microphone from where Dick dropped it, putting it back in its stand before spinning it and grinning. 

          "To my big brother, the one and only DG, this is for you."

          He slurs some random song from his universe until he slumps into a heap and Roy drags him under the table with Duke. He's interrupted when Jason slides off the couch again and he drops Terry, his head thunking against the floor, as he sprints unsteadily to pick Jason back up again. 

          Someone jumps on Bruce's back and he cranes his neck, spotting the blue jersey of one Billy Batson, Bruce's new adoption into the family right along with Terry. 

          "Hey, Billy. I thought you were napping?"

          "Not through Dick's little serenade, I wasn't."

          "It wasn't that bad." Bruce smiles, ruffling Damian's hair. Damian clicks his tongue behind his teeth, watching with muted interest as Katie launches herself across the room to catch Tim as he falls from the ceiling. Duke cheers. 

          "Ten points!"

          Billy yawns and Cass reaches up to pat his head. Stephanie groans, dragging herself across the floor, trying to swim away from Roy as he comes to collect her. He stumbles, ending up on the floor in a drunken heap. Jason rouses as he hits the ground. 

          "Wuh?"

          Bruce shakes his head, Billy leaning over the top of him. He doesn't dare set foot into the room. Dick stumbles back in, laughing brightly as he trips over Roy and falls down next to him. He giggles, pulling himself back up and crawling towards Bruce. 

          "Bruuuuuce, this party is amassshin'. You shu- should come." he laughs, flopping down on his side. Bruce crouches down to pet his raven hair and Dick sighs, relaxing into the floor. "Mmm, thanks, B."

          "Happy to help, kiddo. You are gonna be smashed in the morning."

          Dick closes his eyes, falling asleep right there. Cass lays down on top of him and he tugs at her like she's his blanket. She complies as well as possible and looks up at Bruce. "Safer this way."

          "I know, sweatheart. Keep him nice and warm, okay?"

          She nods, tucking her head under her big brother's chin and keeping him down on the floor. That makes almost all of them down for the count. Duke takes a drink of what looks like a combination of lemonade and vodka and slumps down, head on Terry's chest. Terry tries to catch his glass before he drops it, only succeeding in knocking it from his hand, spilling its contents. Bruce is very thankful to find that so far none of them are weepy drunks, otherwise they would be sobbing now. Roy finally comes back to himself, head swiveling around to look for Stephanie. She's halfway across the room, still swimming across the wood floor. She's chanting something under her breath, and Bruce can't hold back a smile when he realizes it's her old swimming lessons. 

          "Eagle, airplane, glide! Eagle, airplane, glide!" she continues, steadily escaping Roy.

          Damian hides his face in Bruce's shirt as Jason falls over the back of the couch. "Why?" he groans. "Can't they party another time?"

          "Oh, kiddo." Bruce sighs. "It's Dick's birthday. Let them have their fun now. They'll pay for it in the morning."

          "I regret to inform you, Master Bruce, that you will too. The grandfather clock in the dining room has just fallen on the table. The table is unharmed, though, regrettably, the clock is beyond saving."

          A huge mass falls over the balcony rail and Bruce's eyes widen upon realizing that it's Clark. Bruce had forgotten that he was here and Terry starts cracking up from under the table. Bruce picks Damian up, holding him with one arm while he struggles and groans about his 'childish position'. He peers over Clark. 

          "Clark? Are you all right?"

          Clark mumbles his answer into the floor, giving him a thumbs up. Terry can't stop laughing, clutching his stomach and Bruce has a bad feeling that he has something to do with Clark's current state. 

          Bruce steps carefully over Stephanie, who is now stopped and drooling into the carpet, and Roy, who is staring uncomprehendingly at a wall because it got in his way. Billy clutches his neck as Katie zooms past, last woman standing. She tickles Clark with a feather relentlessly and he wheezes with laughter. Terry is turning red, he's laughing so hard. 

          "Terry." Bruce says, an air of warning to his tone. "What did you do to Clark?" Bruce tugs him out from under the table, Damian rolling his eyes when he sees Terry's rosy cheeks.

          He sluggishly explains the physics behind proteins combined with solar radiation and that when added with lots of booze, it's enough to get even Superman drunk. Bruce finds himself suddenly a little more interested in what his new son can do.  _I'll ask when he's sober._

          Terry gives him an odd look. "Old man?"

          His expression is disbelieving and Bruce gets a bad feeling. He cups Terry's face. "I'm sorry, Terry. I'm not the old man you know."

          Terry wipes his face, nodding. "I know. I just...." he shakes his head and Bruce shifts Damian a little so Terry can lean against his chest. "H-how can I miss the old man so much when you're right here?"

          Billy rubs the top of Terry's head, moving his foot to jump off of Bruce's shoulders while he's still down low. He hugs Terry, lying back with him and Duke. "I got him, Bruce. You go ahead." Terry doesn't break down, so Bruce figures that he'll do fine for a little while at least. 

          Bruce nods, heading over towards Jason. He crouches next to him, Jason having taken his last dive off the couch while his usual savior was staring at the wall. "Jason? You hear me, kiddo?"

          He shifts, turning to look at Bruce under his dark lashes. "B?"

          "Hey, Jason. You doing all right?"

          Jason nods, sitting up. "Tryna' sleep it off, keep fallin'."

          "How about we get you to your bed? You might have better luck there, okay?"

          Jason nods, taking Bruce's hand as it's offered. Damian nods as Jason complies as when Bruce offers his arm for support, glad that at least one of his siblings is being reasonable. Jason looks up at him, blinking owlishly. 

          "When'd you get so tall, Brat?"

          Damian hides a snicker. He would say laughing was beneath him if asked. "You weren't looking."

          Jason grins, stumbling on the first step even though Bruce warned him about it. Katie is still hard at work on Clark and he's nearly dying with cackles. Katie has a devilish grin on her face. Bruce sighs, lugging his second oldest up the stairs. Jason is compliant... sort of, when Bruce puts him on the bed. Bruce turns to leave and Jason protests, reaching out to grab his arm and giving him puppy-eyes. Puppy-eyes. From Jason.  _The world must be ending._

          "What is it, kiddo?" Bruce asks, shifting to brush a hand through Jason's hair. 

          "Don't go?"

          "I have to get the rest of your siblings rounded up, then I'll come back, all right?"

          Jason sighs, letting his head drop onto the pillow, looking rather dejected. Bruce puts Damian down next to him. 

          "Father?"

          "Damian, I'll be back soon. Make sure that Jason hydrates, please."

          Damian looks to Jason, his expression tired and lonely-looking. Jason looks up at him, blue eyes half-closed. 

          "Yes, father."

          Bruce smiles, reaching down to ruffle Jason's hair and doing the same for Damian. Damian brushes him off, but he doesn't mean it. 

          As Bruce is going out the door, he turns, smiling. "Oh, and Damian?"

          "Father?"

          "Try not to let him roll off."

          Jason cackles and not long after Bruce closes the door, he hears a muffled thump. He just shakes his head and continues on his way. Clark is lazily floating about in the den, his depth perception a little off. He's hunched over and it makes Bruce think of a blue and red bumblebee. Dick is still secure on the floor, Cass making sure to keep very still to keep him asleep and Bruce melts a little. 

          "Hey, sweatheart."

          She acknowledges him with a tiny smile and resumes her vigil. Dick doesn't rouse and Bruce trails over towards Duke and Terry. Both Terry and Billy are asleep, Billy curled up on Terry's chest. Duke waves, a sloppy smile on his face. Roy is staring at the couch now instead of the wall and Bruce walks in front of him, gripping his shoulders. 

          "Roy?"

          "He disappeared. I..... I lost track of him, and now he's gone."

          "He's fine Roy. He's up in his room with Damian." Bruce says lowly. "Here. Let's get you sitting down, all right?"

          Roy nods slowly and Bruce steers him to settle on the couch. Roy leans over and falls asleep almost immediately. Nodding, Bruce moves to pick up Stephanie and she curls into his chest. Bruce puts her with Roy on the couch and he rouses just long enough to take her from him. Bruce moves the card table and picks up the two sleeping teens. Terry shifts and mumbles in his sleep and Billy clings to him a little tighter. Bruce puts them both in Terry's room and heads back for another trip. He searches for Katie for a little bit, finding her passed out on top of the dining room table, the grandfather clock broken into pieces, just like Alfred had said. He picks her up and carries her to a guestroom. She doesn't come over much, but it's nice when she does. 

          A hand clutches his ankle on the way by and Bruce crouches down next to Tim. Katie apparently left him right by the front door, and then he'd crawled back to the steps. He puts Tim in bed and he's already out before Bruce can offer him some water. 

          Bruce pokes his head back into Jason's room and his jaw drops a little when he sees Damian's method of keeping Jason on the bed. Jason is tied to the headboard, looking mightily unhappy about it and Damian is smirking. 

          Bruce unties him and Damian frowns. "Father-"

          "You could just sleep next to him, Damian."

          "I don't have enough weight, father. It was the only logical solution."

          "Logical, smogical." Jason grumbles, the effects of the alcohol already wearing off. 

          Bruce tugs on the white streak in Jason's hair, chuckling. "It's okay, kiddo." Jason tries to shove his hand away when Bruce ruffles his hair. "I won't let Damian do anything too dramatic."

          Jason smiles, turning over and putting his arm under his pillow to rest his head on. Damian growls and mutters about 'being brought down to the level of cuddling with Todd'. Still, he curls up next to him and Jason sinks into a comfortable sleep. Bruce gives Damian's shoulder a squeeze before going to track down everyone else. Clark is staring at the chandelier, poking at the twinkling crystals with a smile on his face. Bruce sighs when he sees Clark's cape peeking out from under his sweater and he reaches for the end of it, tugging Clark over the rail of the steps. Clark floats with him obediently and Bruce directs him to another guestroom. Clark floats in and lays down and Bruce sighs heavily, swiping a hand down his face. 

          Cass smiles brightly as he picks Dick off the floor and she climbs onto Bruce's shoulders. He leaves both in their rooms and heads back again for Duke. He gives Duke a glass of water, since he seems at least lucid enough to drink it. 

          "Don't want water."

          Bruce shakes his head. "Unless you'd like a nasty hangover, I would drink this if I were you."

          Duke groans, but he does as he's told. With everyone is a semi-safe place to sleep, Bruce heads to his own room and flops down. 

          A throat clears by his door and Bruce turns over to see Alfred with a fatherly smile on his face. "Master Bruce, it appears you may have too many children. That, or too much liquor."

          Bruce chuckles, starting to fall asleep. "There's no such thing as too many children, Alfred. No such thing."

          Morning has him thinking differently when he hears the sounds of his kids heaving up their guts. Jason is perfectly fine, his Lazarus pit metabolism having burnt through any lasting effects while he was sleeping. Damian is less than amused, but Bruce thinks he's just glad he's not sick. Cass is very cheery, jumping on Jason's shoulders and grinning as he gives her a ride down to breakfast as fast as he can, making airplane noises. Katie is apparently ready for a bloody mary and a some fish crackers. An odd combination, but it's not like they don't have any. He checks in on Clark, fully aware that he's probably never been drunk in his life.

          He's still sleeping, snoring like a truck. 

          Dick teeters out of his room, crawling on the floor when he finds that he's too unsteady to walk. Bruce helps him down the stairs and then checks on Tim. Also still sleeping. Roy is seriously smashed, Jason trying to get him to eat part of a hashbrown. Steph seems to have recovered very quickly and she's pouring syrup on her pancakes in the kitchen. Duke makes his way downstairs, supporting Terry on his left and Billy on his shoulders. 

          Bruce is honestly glad that Harper had other places to be. Despite her tiny stature, she would outdrink all of them and still be standing. Alfred raises a brow as Bruce sits down at the island.  _Still no such thing, Master Bruce?_

          Bruce smiles at his wordless question. "No, Alfred. There's still no such thing." he ruffles Damian's hair, and Damian is too invested in his pancakes to even protest. "No such thing."


End file.
